This week has been mental health awareness week and with that, a lot of bloggers have been sharing their stories. I’ve never considered myself to have an issue with my mental health but reading some stories over the last week, I have found myself relating to some of it. It made me realise that mental health is incredibly important regardless of whether you have a big issue, a small issue or absolutely no issue at all. There is something within us that we all struggle with at some point in our lives. I decided to write a post about my own issues, whether it’s worthy or not, I don’t know but I think it’s important for everyone to know that no matter how big or small the issue is, it’s ok.
All my life, I’ve been known as the shy one or the reserved one, however, I’ve always felt that these labels don’t match my personality. I don’t consider myself shy because for the most part, I am confident in myself and who I am. I don’t consider myself reserved but rather I pick and choose who I open my mouth to. I’m aware that people always see me this way though which makes me incredibly conscious of it resulting in me feeling awkward in new situations.
To my friends and people who know me well, I am sociable and bubbly. I have an incredibly dry and sarcastic sense of humour plus I am very opinionated. If you said any of this to someone who doesn’t know me, they wouldn’t believe you. To most people, I am quiet and don’t contribute much. I am very wary of new people and who to trust so I would never open up to you or voice my strong opinions if we’ve only just met. I’m also not a chatterbox, I only say something if it is worth saying and if I don’t know you, I don’t have anything worthwhile saying because so far, we have nothing in common and I have no idea what to talk to you about. I’m not being rude and it’s not me being shy, I just struggle to find any words to contribute.
I’ve never considered this to be social anxiety and simply chalked it up to social awkwardness which I have laughed off but a lot of posts I have read about social anxiety, I can relate to. There are very few people I look forward to spending one on one time with because I worry, if it’s just the two of us, the conversation will dry up and it will get uncomfortable. I’ve been known to put things off if I can’t find a third party, I’ll find some excuse until someone else is available too. I’ve never honestly had a situation where the conversation has dried up but for some reason, my mind works over time and provides me with reasons why it would.
The worst is when people comment on it. I am fully aware that I am just sat here not saying much and feel awkward enough as it is. Please don’t make me aware that you have noticed this because it stresses me out. No, I don’t know why I am so quiet, it’s just the way I am. Get to know me and I will talk your ear off but right now, I’m sorry, I just have nothing to say. Your big personality commenting on it is really not helping me out or gonna get me to open up.
This job has helped me a lot because it has thrust me into situations I find uncomfortable with people I don’t know. I still find these situations awkward but now I’m more used to it and how I will feel. It also helps to have an incredibly loving partner and friends who accept me exactly as I am. I know that this is just how I am and it will never change but I am fine with that. I am honest with who I am and don’t put on any show personality, what you see is what you get which I am proud of. Of course, I would like to feel more comfortable in new social situations but that is just not me and I’m ok with that. We can’t all be the big personality in the room and I am more than happy to be out of the limelight.
This blog post is not sponsored or endorsed in any way. All opinions are my own and just that: opinions.